Halfway at 20 weeks!

Whaaa? How is it 20 weeks already? Feels like yesterday. Wait, Bee's only halfway done - I still have as much left as I've managed so far? Oh, brother.

And that's how this week has felt.

A few things have gone on, and mostly inside my head. Except I did have 2 major meal "wins" with Paul this week (a chili and a pasta), and it was supremely satisfying to watch him gobble it all down - and seconds! - so quickly. He's usually a good eater, but he likes some things more than others, I guess, just like anyone else.

Apropos Paul's eating: he's been going to bed at night with much difficulty. Starting last weekend, he would just cry and cry then scream and cry; so we'd try to calm him in his bed à la bébé, and when that didn't work (after ages), we just got him up with us. It became problematic when our bedtime rolled around, and he still wouldn't have it in his bed. 3, 4, 5 nights like this, all the while going down for his afternoon nap well, and finally last night he goes down "as usual". Odd. Dylan and I set in to back-track mode to see what was different - teething? darkness? room temp? realizing we're still up and having fun without him? Oh, my goodness ... he ate a ton of food tonight! we said. You've got to be kidding me ... the baby was HUNGRY? Worst parent-fail. We feel terrible. So tonight, he ate 2 pieces of fish, just like us, plus the sweet potato, just like us, plus some quinoa, like us but a little less ... and then avocado. And baby sausages. And cheese. And crackers. And he went down fine. Facepalm.

Maybe it was the poor sleep because of Paul's poor sleep, but I got to feeling a little low this week, too. Whether it was that Bee's coming up to the halfway mark or seeing little of Dylan in the evenings, I started wondering if and how I'll manage Paul and a newborn. I don't want to stretch myself so thin that Paul loses out. I think this when I'm tired even though my rested logic tells me that we don't want an only child, of course, and it's going to be beautiful to watch him become a big brother! Speaking of, got this today:

I also missed out on bedtime routine twice this week due to church commitments (that won't be regular, thank God!), hence seeing little of Dylan + he did 90% of the Paul comforting.

Anyway, with all that whinging I was doing, God must've said, you want to complain? Here you go, and my back's been killing me since Thursday night/Friday morning. It's between my shoulder blades and similar to what I felt pregnant with Paul for a week or so before I wizened up to sleeping with a pillow fort. My theory is that much side-sleeping misshapes my shoulders and leaves the muscles in a bit of a kink. Thursday evening was almost unbearable, so today I took it easy; Dylan suggested not picking up Paul anymore beyond the necessities. That made me tear up this morning, though, about "only" being halfway; it'll just get harder and harder to interact with him properly. He's already been more clingy to Dylan when he gets home from work since I can't hold him as long or rough-house with him on the floor like I used to. I know that it's all part of a process and will work out well in the end - how else would anyone ever have more than 2 kids if it only got worse? - but I can't feel that far ahead, yet.

Then I'm feeling stressed about our situation, where we'll be when, and where I'll birth big baby Bee. I don't want to obsess about it, yet I still find myself wanting to come up with "at least a go-to plan that we can scrap if we need to" ... how 'bout that prayer I've meant to say everyday about freeing me from useless and consuming worry?

Here's to a more peaceful and joyful week - ultrasound and a wedding in St. Paul! Sounds like a good start. And me as I blog, lying on the sofa, ha:

UPDATE on Saturday morning: Thanks to a few desperate prayers, a loving husband, a sleeping baby, a pillow fort, and a rice-bag warmer, my back & shoulders feel good again! Hopefully that's the extent of it. It's a lovely early Fall day in the 50ºs, and we took a nice walk through a wooded park before lunch. Paul even got to see wild deer and turkeys!